People Are The Best

Dear person who went on and on talking about your problems on the phone at work today without letting me get a word in edgewise,

When I said you needed to speak to customer service you demanded that I relay your story on to them in your behalf so you wouldn't have to repeat the story again yourself.

If you would have let me talk in the first place, I would have told you before you began your story that I wasn't the person you needed to talk to and not to waste your breath. So, no, I will not relay your story to the customer service agent on your behalf because it is your fault you told me the story in the first place without seeing if I was the correct person to complain to. I really am sorry for your problems, and if I had authorization/training to help you with them, I would, but I can't.

All I can suggest is that you form a support group with the guy who didn't know how many digits were in a real phone number, the lady whose life was ruined by a consultant not leaving her a voice message when he called, and the guy who said he would drive to Utah and punch me in the throat if the company sent him another email.

Good luck to you, and Happy Holidays.

Have A Very Oprah Christmas!

At work we all colored paper stockings with colored pencils to decorate the office for Christmas. I did a little something extra with my stocking.

Spirit of the Season Award (Friday, December 3rd, 2010)

Today's Spirit of the Season award goes to Mark Eliseuson, a white supremacist from Hayden, Idaho.

Mr. Eliseuson decided this year to bring the Christmas spirit to his city by making a KKK snowman.

This snowman has brought joy far and wide by spreading the message that all Black snowmen can go melt in Africa.

Mr. Eliseuson, you are the absolute epitome of "peace on earth, good will toward men."

(Special thanks to Gawker, for filling me in about this one. For a video clip of an interview with Mr. Eliseuson and his neighbors, follow the link to Gawker).

Spirit of the Season Award (Thursday, December 2nd, 2010)

In honor of the holidays, I would like to recognize those members of our society who really exemplify the Spirit of the Season.

Today's award goes to the fat lady wearing a velour House of Dereón tracksuit at UVU today.

I was calmly waiting for the elevator when you came into my life, pushing angrily between me and the person next to me, barking "EXCUSE ME!" as you passed. You saw that there was plenty of room to walk around us, but you elected instead to plow through us, causing us to stumble backwards in your massive wake.

As you waddled away, your entire body jiggled, much as the Jolly Old Elf jiggles when he Ho-Ho-Hos. Merry Christmas to you, and a Happy New Year. May you go on to trample many helpless people in Black Friday sales for years to come.